Some days I find myself
putting my foot in
the same stream twice;
leading a horse to water
and making him drink.
I have a clue.
I can see the forest
for the trees.

All around me people
are making silk purses
out of sows' ears,
getting blood from turnips,
building Rome in a day.
There's a business
like show business.
There's something new
under the sun.

Some days misery
no longer loves company;
it puts itself out of its.
There's rest for the weary.
There's turning back.
There are guarantees.
I can be serious.
I can mean that.
You can quite
put your finger on it.

blessings by Ronald Wallace

Going to Europe Europe Europe going to Europe in less then 3 months!!! I'm finally getting in the groove and majorly excited about Europe. I have my books, I have my suitecase ordered (aha, i better!), and I have some books to start my papers...sometime...soon....yeaaaah. I'm sooo overwelmed by my options for free travel, it's mind blowing! My family is friends with an older couple in Germany who want me to come visit for well, like the entire time, but that's not gonna happen, but I will have to pay my respects for at least 3 days or something. They're rather well off so it'll be fun. There's just too many other places I wanna go! My dream forever has been London, i mean come on, seriously, but I'd also like to see Paris, Amsterdam, Belgium (chocolate, duh!), Austria, Greece, Monaco and a billion other places! It's going to be so unbelieveably hard! But it's also gonna be an amazing 4 months.

Xanga came up last night and yeaah. I never write here. But it's okay, I read other people's and write when feel called to, no reason to write more then that.

Yesterday was hard, very hard, bittersweet. It was hard for a number of reasons I won't get into here, but i just kept thinking of the people I miss and will miss throughout the summer, fall, and the rest of my life. I'll miss this place too, I really do like it here, and the freedom that goes along with it.

It's interesting the things you remember through the years, someone's eyes, smile, laugh, or a simple phrase. I will look back on my second year here as a year of self discovery on many levels. It went so fast and I learned so much. I've discovered things about myself I never realized before about my motivations and what makes me tick. I thank God for opening my eyes and heart to so many things. God only knows what the next year will bring...I'll be in Europe in almost 4 months.

But so much in my life feels one sided...work, friendships, love. Lately I've felt like I give so much getting little or nothing in return. Why does it always have to be me to take the first step?

I've never been any good at good byes, I'm like Jack, I don't know when, or how, to let go.

So, it's Valentine's Day. If you know me at all then you know my thoughts on the matter, generally. Although my hopeless romantic side keeps me from being entirely against the day. I dunno, I'll probably stay in my room most of the day since i don't have classes so i don't have to put with the fact that people expect me to react to it. I'll just go up to my spot in the library and watch the world go by. But of course i have a few thoughts.

Ariel gave me her Dove Dark Chocolate wrapper, meaning to give me a hint. "Follow your instincts." I showed her mine. "Don't think about it so much." I know which i should follow. "Keep the promises you make to yourself."

"I don't believe in marriage. No, I really don't. Let me be clear about that. I think at worst it's a hostile political act, a way for small-minded men to keep women in the house and out of the way, wrapped up in the guise of tradition and conservative religious nonsense. At best, it's a happy delusion - these two people who truly love each other and have no idea how truly miserable they're about to make each other. But, when two people know that, and they decide with eyes wide open to face each other and get married anyway, then I don't think it's conservative or delusional. I think it's radical and courageous and very romantic." I may not completely agree (very close though) but this has to be one of the most beautiful things I've heard in my life. Perfect.

"Would you get outta the damn wind!" Sometime I'm just gonna say that to this guy I know...yeah, there's more to that. Imagine with me, imagine.

"Forty messages starts to look needy." Someone else can never fulfill you if you're not happy with yourself to begin with. This is most important, if you don't love yourself you're not ready to let someone else love you. A relationship isn't duct tape.

"Love is not always blind and there are few things that cause greater wretchedness than to love with all your heart someone who you know is unworthy of that love." Yeah, this is no fun. I should know, I have a knack for it.

"Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig, and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun."

Happy Valentine's Day.

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to love than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I let you go
I let you fly
Now that I know I’m asking why
I let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

I learned something tonight....I sorry, I guess. I don't know what else to say, I have no regrets. I know I made the right choice, but that doesn't keep me from wondering.